The post in which I admit

I grow weary of waking in the night
I grow weary of snatching at moments to myself
I grow weary of one poopy diaper after another
I grow weary of quack grass in my flowerbeds
I grow weary of rain
I grow weary of dirty laundry
I grow weary
I grow forgetful
I forgot your birthday
I forgot to buy cheerios
I forgot to wash that blanket that's been sitting on the couch all week
I forgot to refrigerate the leftovers
I forgot to feed the dog
I forgot to bring in my seedlings from the sun
I forgot who gave me that sweet little yellow sleeper
I forgot to write whoever it was a thank-you note
I forgot to take a picture of the clouds
I forgot to buy ink to make Seamus' footprint

I forgot what it was like to have a full vocabulary
I forgot to buy glue to repair those notecards
I forgot that I was supposed to meet you at 7,
and I'm sorry
I'm sorry I spoke to my son so harshly when he climbed on the piano bench to get the TV remote
I'm sorry that when you called I could barely string three words together
I'm sorry that I haven't cooked anything other than Kraft dinner in a month
I'm sorry I haven't taken my boys out for more fresh air
I'm sorry I got so mad when Luke dumped garbage all over the kitchen floor that I threw a toy racecar at the dog
I'm sorry that all I can hope for from the garden this Summer is a miracle
I'm sorry that we haven't come to see you, or called ... or written
I'm sorry if I smell like I haven't showered in a few days ... I haven't
I'm sorry if I'm not attentive enough to what my husband needs,
but oh so grateful that he's attentive to my needs
I'm grateful
I'm grateful that even though they were predicting rain it's been brilliantly sunny all day
I'm grateful for all the meals friends, family and strangers have made for us
I'm grateful for each flower in my yard that grows despite my neglect
I'm grateful for a husband who instinctively pulls weeds
I'm grateful for the three hour nap Luke took this afternoon
I'm grateful for the good health we've enjoyed since Seamus was born
I'm grateful for air conditioning
I'm grateful for the dishwasher
I'm grateful for sensible gifts like diapers and wet wipes
I'm grateful that I am able to overcome my grief over a plant lost to the wind because of an attitude ingrained by my father that what won't survive maybe shouldn't have been planted
I'm grateful that today is my Mom's last day of school and I'll be able to get her on the phone at all hours of the day until August
I'm grateful for a fenced in yard that allows me to send my son outside while I post the blog
I'm grateful for bran muffin batter that stays good in the fridge for 6 weeks
I'm grateful I found the energy to clean the floors yesterday ... and that our friends didn't say anything about the state of our floors the day before yesterday
I'm grateful for hamburgers and hot dogs
I'm grateful to refresh our stock of library books
I'm grateful to have a tiny baby to snuggle and kiss
I'm grateful for a big brother who never runs out of kisses for the baby
I'm grateful for friends and family who make my kid laugh, and read him stories, and feed him ice cream
I'm grateful for the few moments of peace I will find alone in the shower tonight
I'm grateful for brown cardboard boxes in the mail
I'm grateful for sunshine, sunblock, and for the little boy who thinks that when it's cloudy "We should just use the sun spray!"
I'm grateful for songs of thanksgiving before dinner  ... singing is good
I'm grateful for Luke who sings the alphabet willy nilly:  "a, b, c, q, r, s, k, l, m, n, o, x, y, z"
I'm grateful for playdough
I'm grateful that the grateful portion of this list far outstretches the "sorry" and "forgot" and "grow weary" portions.