My Dependents

I am especially glad to have put together this gorgeous glass collection since I've spent so many days laying on the couch watching the colors move across the ceiling.  I haven't yet captured the light properly...I'll try again tomorrow.

Nanner nanner nanner, Californians!  Your sweet peas were done in May and mine were just beginning, but look at them now - at the end of October!  Five months of sweet peas!  I got sick of them there for a while and stopped picking them (I thought they were going to die soon) and they seemed to thrive on my neglect!  Sweet peas in October.  Who'd-a-thunk?

Yes it is eleven a.m. and we are still in our jammies.  No I haven't washed my hair in ... I can't remember when.  Yes, I puked up my breakfast.  No we do not know what's for lunch... or dinner.

My three dependents.

more glass lights on the wall.

Some might say that I'm the least dependable person in the house right now.  Those people would be right.  Still, some people depend on me for some things, which I can sometimes provide,... I hope.  One day it will be better.  I look at my friends whose children are older and I think, "One day I will be like them.  I will cook my family supper.  I will make them cookies for morning snack.  I will clean the shower before it gets scummy (although cleaning a scummy shower is actually much more satisfying).  I will watch them play as I sit and crochet, instead of listening to the sounds of trouble-makers while bent double over the toilet in the other room.  One day I will be a good wife and housekeeper.  One day I will be like my friends.  My kids just have to grow up a little (or a lot)."

Derek has been very supportive and helpful during my nausea and vomiting.  Luke will follow me into the bathroom and say, "Mommy are you sick?  You'll be okay.  Should I pat your back for a while?"  I really am surrounded  by the best boys in the world.  They don't ask for much.  But I still feel bad to be giving so little.  I remember what it felt like to get up and make blueberry muffins for breakfast, instead of putting cold cereal on the table and telling everyone to help themselves while I go lay on the couch.  We will get there again someday.  There is hope.  My dependents will find me dependable again someday.  For now it will have to be sufficient that for one tiny and still unknown dependent person I am giving everything everyday all the time.