My letter to the editor of Winkler Times (I hope they print it!)

And before you get too far, you should know that there is a baby in my womb.  I got to see his/her little heart beating and legs kicking.  I don't have copies of any of the images because the hospital is kind of pissy about details as you'll see from the following letter.  But thanks for your prayers, we can still use them as there does seem to be some blood pooling in my uterus and we're still not sure why.  Without further ado:

 

I had an upsetting experience at Boundary Trails Health Centre today.  I went in for an ultrasound scheduled because we were uncertain whether or not I'd had a miscarriage.  We had to wait several days for the appointment, and were handling the stress of uncertainty pretty well.  Still, by the time we got to the hospital my husband and I were very anxious and full of questions.  Finally the ultrasound technician called my name and we both stood up to have the procedure done that would finally tell us if we were mourning the loss of our little one, or continuing on the long road of pregnancy - and we were stopped short.  "Your husband will have to wait in the waiting room", said the technician, "It's hospital policy".  When we explained our dismay at being separated during such an important procedure the technician replied that she didn't make the rules but that it was "hospital policy", and if I wanted to argue about it I could go somewhere else for my ultrasound. 

She pulled out the sheet of paper that supposedly explained this "policy", yet nowhere on the page did it say anything about separating a mother and father during an ultrasound - in fact it was as vague as vague can be and seemed to be written for the specific purpose of allowing the hospital staff to make up rules as they went along without explaining themselves.  Knowing that I might have to wait weeks to get an ultrasound in Winnipeg, I did as the technician asked and followed a complete stranger into a dark room accompanied only by my fear that I would see an empty womb.  My husband sat alone far down the hall anxiously and helplessly chewing his fingernails like an expectant father of fifty years ago, waiting to hear that his wife just completed the most difficult task of her life without any help from her partner, husband, and helpmate. 

This entire scene is ridiculous.  Why are mothers and fathers being separated during what should be a shared experience?  Why is Boundary Trails adding to the stress of expectant mothers and fathers?  The only explanation the ultrasound technician could give me was that having another person in the room trying to look at the screen while the technician performed her tasks would be distracting and disruptive.  When did polite bedside manner go completely out the window - she can't just ask for silence while she works and allow the mother and father to support one another by silently holding hands?  I am disappointed in Boundary Trails Health Centre's decision to allow petty "policies" (I put it in quotes because I refer to a ridiculous, unwritten one) to be upheld without taking the patient's, and the patient's family's, peace of mind into consideration.  I intend to write a letter to the hospital and would appreciate it if anyone else who has had this disturbing experience would join me in making a LOUD objection, and write a letter of your own. 


-Laura A. Thiessen