Sleep complexities

Seamus is a delightful baby, so content and predictable.  When he's tired, it's obviously naptime.  And when he's hungry, he lets me know.  He has a rhythm a little more like mine - a very loose routine that can bend and flex to suit the day's waves and upsets.  He makes it pretty easy on me.  So why do I keep thinking I should get him on a routine? 

I put Luke on a nap routine very early, and taught him to sleep in his crib.  He didn't sleep through the night until 7 months, but his naps were at ten a.m. on the dot, and 2 p.m. - no exceptions!  If we were late getting him to bed, or weren't at home, we had a massive melt-down on our hands.

Seamus has been wonderfully non-scheduled.  It's so easy to get up and go whenever we need to.  He just goes with the flow.  Nobody has given me unwelcome advice about scheduling your baby.  Nobody has asked questions like, "Why's your baby so grumpy, doesn't he get enough sleep?"  No.  Seamus is happy, smiling; and when he's not, it's only for a short time until we fill up his tummy or clean his bum.  He's easy to please, everyone who knows him agrees.  But still, I feel like I should be organizing, scheduling, taking control.

At the moment Seamus is sleeping.  He cried for 20 minutes.  I soldiered through those twenty minutes like a sleep-trainer pro (except for my own tears of course), and now he's asleep.  Normally during afternoon nap I lay down with Seamus and Luke sleeps in his own room.  Today I wanted to stay up.  Hence the crying.  Have I done the right thing?  Do I really want to train him to sleep only on his own?  Do I really want to lose the snuggly baby who will fall asleep in my arms whenever he's tired?  Do I want so badly to be in control of his nap patterns, that I'm willing to give up the happy-go-lucky baby who started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks old, and lets me drag him around any time of day or night?  I'm not so sure.

Being a mother is full of these internal struggles with external effects.  And sleep?  It's a minefield of emotions, "should"s, head knowledge and hormones.  You'd think with #2 I'd have it figured out, eh?  Nope.